The bigger picture is there is no reason to change anything when the group is getting all their needs met. The only reason to include me in the group is to ignore me.
5/29/2021
It was spoken and suddenly it wasn't
I was in a situation with a group of people. When I wasn't around they spoke out me being irrepairbaly mental ill. Recently I was in regular contact with this group and the conversation was always controlled, minimal, and repetitive. Even though the conversation was repetitive the information was insufficient in details to create a visual understanding of what was actually being spoken about. 8 months of this brought to the surface a truth. This truth got dumped on me to sort through. I am now expected to understand. The problem from my stand point is I'm expected to understand without anyone having to say one word about what is happening, what happened, or didn't happen. I'm to continue being around this group of people who don't want to hear me say anything. Don't want me around them. I'm supposed to be subject to whatever whim the group feels entitled to. I don't think it is too much to ask this group to model for me how to do this. I'm wanting them to demonstrate their standards for me. I want them to show me a working model of how this functions. From the outside it is easy enough to point a finger at me and call me difficult. I find their silence on the matter no different than being in a conversation with them talking about nothing.
5/27/2021
Trying to solve problems that were created to not be solved. The reason for the nonsense, is to hide. The confusion morphs into more confusion. Using a checklist of human behavior the remedy emerges. Society obviously isn't based on conflict resolution. People who add to the chaos get rewarded. People get paid to create chaos. People get paid to set the foundation to allow chaos to exist. Others get paid to promote this set up as true. Humans have a spirit it's a package deal. Intrinsically our body mind and spirit are truth meters.
5/26/2021
come on common knowledge
I've been watching videos about narcissism and surviving narcissistic abuse. From the information I've gathered I can see there are patterns of behavior that accompany unresolved mental health stages of development. This is true whether a person has been diagnosed or not. If you are stuck in a stage of development you are going to act in predictable ways. To become mentally healthy it is a requirement to pass through developmental milestones.
5/25/2021
mentally vague
If you really don't understand why do you use a strategy to get information. The concept of a little lie. The concept of a little truth. A little truth reveals. A little lie conceals.
It doesn't matter how or why when you have no integrity. Your actions are hidden. So nothing happened. There's nothing to talk about, there's nothing to see. There's nothing to react to.
a common reality
"I know you better then you know yourself." This is the exact quote that was said by a person who was wanting to develop a relationship with another person. I don't know if there was honesty in that emoting of arrogance. It seems to be a core philosophy many people embrace.
The message conveys: I will allow you to be what I know. Stop breathing I will do that for you.
It's possible the tactic was to determine the core value of the other person. In an attempt to provoke a response. It completely shut down the dialog. To some people this maybe considered friendly banter. To others it is controlling and antagonistic. The things that create a neverending defeat.
5/24/2021
a question waiting an answer, or a demand requiring a response
When a group of people can control the group opinion because the group needs a paycheck. It creates an environment. Without integrity the group can fall prey to any number of horrible scenarios. Trying to eke out a living under such circumstances takes a toll on each individual. Day to day it's hardly noticeable. I don't know what the daily dose of misery and dread is required to become unbearable. Most people shut down sensory perceptions and just plow through. Finding plenty of distractions in the constantly moving minutes and hours of the day. Try calling HR tell them the store managers are self serving and have created a hostile work environment. Even having a stack of examples of bad behavior, your call will make you look anxious. The real issue is that bad behavior is ignored, because it is pushed into the blind spot of get the job done. The company structure is evaluate from the top down. The application interview process hands over your life details. To expect this set up to be fair and reasonable without any oversight ha ha. The fact there is no way to rate human interaction in the workplace means this is a blind spot. The long poorly lit alleyway just waiting for victims.
Life can seem to fall apart. Any direction you take to orient yourself is illusive. In those times the body spirit package requires a reset. After watching civil unrest around the global. It looks like the reason for the strife was to create a more believable lie. The illusion has been strengthened.
5/21/2021
thems prehistoric innards
On the rare occasion I encounter a unique and genuine person. I'm talking about the type of person that appears to be from outside the influence of modern life. It's like the memory of a place. It is right here where we are but it has become invisible. When a person from there becomes visible to us a realization of that place is familiar. Life prepares people to live in the modern realm, to be greedy, to be envious, to be dominant. All the traits that prevent a robust life experience. Trying to make sense of explanations that don't explain anything. Explanations created by beings with hatred. Why you maybe be wondering would anyone do that. Why would anyone use a tire pump to inflate their ego. An ego with a slow leak. Constantly needing to be reinflated. No attempt to patch the hole. Distracted by watching the pressure gauge is a good enough reason to continue the cycle. Knowing what to expect, and the task of keeping the pressure at the right level. Mesmerized through eternity.
May 11, 2021
She staged a scenerio so she could create high drama and chaos. Once critical mass was reached she tossed in her award winning monologue. It was her quoting herself how she talks about me when I'm not there. It was an audience participation scene which required me to react. After I reacted she danced around with words. Minimizing their evil venom. Before I realized this was actually a confession she blurted out "I apologize." Without stopping she started asking if I accept her apology and just as quick started to demand and criticize me if I wasn't going to accept it. This is her ultimate skill grinding up sentiment, unity, compassion. Expecting it to create peace and harmony.
5/17/2021
My bad attitude
People trying to create a scenerio that looks genuine. My participation is demanded. If I want to get more information in a situation like this it wont happen by asking questions. Anything but a yes from me equals my bad attitude.
People trying to corral me in with information. What is intended to look like a conversation, is the connecting of fence panels. The purpose is for branding, or confinement, of my bad attitude.
The empty words used by manipulators disappear, leaving my bad attitude the only thing anyone notices or remembers.
Saying things like I tried to talk to her and she is always angry. Not saying: I provoked her for a month before her bad attitude came out.
She doesn't have any sympathy or compassion. I care deeply about her that is why I provoke her so I can asked her what is wrong.
My bad attitude is a source of entertainment, those who find their enjoyment in it have no interest in an honest human relationship with me.
My bad attitude is all you can see in me. My bad attitude is the problem you say.
5/10/2021
No question
Provoke, get reaction, assess quality of reaction, ignore reaction.
Provoke, get reaction, assess quality of reaction, ignore reaction.
Provoke, get reaction, assess quality of reaction, ignore reaction
Provoke, observe, assess, ignore
Provoke, observe, assess, ignore
Provoke, observe, assess, ignore
This is the only means of communication. Obliterates feelings, responsibility. Conversation options are the weather using loads of poetic and descriptive phrases. All the important things have already happened and written down.